I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
