Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
