They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
