Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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