So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
