First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
