i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
