Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
