he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
