he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize