My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
