I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He did a backflip because drugs
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