clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
