That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
