oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
