you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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