AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
