my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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