Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
