Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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