Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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