the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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