frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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