Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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