i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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