I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
