Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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