i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
