hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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