Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
