This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
