and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize