Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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