Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Randomize