Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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