I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
