You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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