"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
