garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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