I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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