You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize