I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
