i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Vodka?
Forever.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
