How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize