wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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