Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize