those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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