i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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