He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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