38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
