There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
oh god the rape fog is back!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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