My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
