Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
