gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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