Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
