her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
