I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
