I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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