I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
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