His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
