and next time when you feel me up, do it right
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
