I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
