Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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