Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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