if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Randomize
