did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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