The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
