i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just saw a hot homeless man
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
