just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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