So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
