I'm gonna have a badass scar
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
