I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You ruined the universe
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize