The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
