Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
